Wayward Lessons
by Miratete
Summary: G1: Cosmos seems to be pregnant. Jazz admits to being the sire. Wheeljack and Ratchet decide to have "that little talk" with Spike and Carly.


**Wayward Lessons**

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"What is that?!" exclaimed Spike, pointing at the noticeably large bulge on Cosmos' torso where his Autobot insignia had once been.

The four bots in the medbay all turned to look at the two humans approaching.

"He looks like he's pregnant. Like eight months pregnant!" exclaimed Carly, staring at the minibot's now doubly convex chest panel.

Ratchet smirked. "Oh that? That's just..."

"Ssssst..." Wheeljack interrupted, hushing Ratchet and crouching down.. He gathered Spike and Carly in closely. "It's not public yet, but…" He looked about conspiratorially. "Cosmos is pregnant."

"Pregnant! Oh my gosh!" squealed Carly delightedly. She stretched up past Wheeljack's shoulder to look again at the bulging saucerformer, the green protuberance having replaced the bluish chest panel she remembered him as having.

"But it's..."

"It's twins! Cosmos is pregnant with twins!" Jazz announced loudly, cutting off Cosmos.

"Twins? Like Sideswipe and Sunstreaker?" asked Spike.

"I said that it was at least twins," said Ratchet with a smirk. "There were too many limbs in the scan for me to tell for sure."

Jazz leaned in, putting protective arms around Cosmos. "Twins run in my family, so I'm sure it's twins." His black hands moved down to stroke the bulge affectionately.

"You're the father?" Spike coughed, staring at the black and white mech petting the mini-bot.

"Yup!" beamed Jazz proudly. And he kissed Cosmos on the side of his helm. "I'm going to be a daddy!"

"I thought you Cybertronians just built more robots when you decided you needed more of you around," Carly stated, still smiling, especially as Jazz looked so cute rubbing his mate's baby bump.

"Well we can, but that's the boring way of doing it," explained Ratchet. "That's how we got the Dinobots, but Jazz is a stickler for the old ways regarding a few things."

Jazz chuckled and kissed Cosmos' cheek again. "What can I say? I like a little hot crenellator on oscillated cosmitron action." He made a gesture that appeared as if he were pulling on a glove.

"Wait. You're still using an oscillator circuit on your cosmitron?" Wheeljack asked, somewhat stunned.

"You bet, and that's why I know it's going to be twins," he answered confidently.

"But I'm..."

"Hush, Love," said Jazz, kissing Cosmos again, this time on his mask.

Spike and Carly were staring wide-eyed. "So... you're telling me that you have a form of sexual reproduction?" Carly stammered. "Am I understanding this right?"

"Basically. But of course it's going to be a little different from your mammalian form of reproduction," said Ratchet.

"It... sounds different," said Spike slowly, looking a little embarrassed.

"Well how does it work?" Carly asked. "I mean, is there some sort of physical or digital DNA you exchange?"

Jazz looked to Wheeljack. "I'll let you explain this one, about the crenellator and the cosmitron. You're the science guy."

"Well... all right. I'll try to explain this as simply as possible... It is a complicated process," said Wheeljack, scratching his mask thoughtfully. "Well basically when a couple, such as Jazz and Cosmos here, decide they want to make a new little Autobot, they go see Optimus. Since he's got the Matrix. And to get permission. And then the sire—that's the daddy—links up with Optimus and the Matrix and the Matrix downloads a complicated series of codes into his cosmitron. Then the sire takes the carrier—in this case Cosmos—to the Room of Radiance. Well...if he can. The Room of Radiance is on Cybertron, but we were able to rig something up inside one of the Ark's thrust chambers. They're not being used for anything else right now."

"Grapple was a huge help with that," interjected Ratchet.

"So in the Room of Radiance, the carrier opens up his refraction core, which is connected to the crenellator construct. The cosmitron is placed into the receiving jack in the crenellator and the code from the Matrix, combined with additional code from the sire, is downloaded into the carrier."

"And that's why the oscillator circuit is so much better," Jazz interrupted insistingly. "If you've tried both ways, you know the oscillated version just plain feels better. Back me up here, Ratchet."

"I don't know. I suppose it's personal preference. You get the same result whether you're using oscillated or reconditory circuits," Ratchet said, ruminating over the differences. "Though you have to use reconditory circuits if you're a seeker. I know that much."

The others nodded in agreement.

Cosmos was shaking his head.

"And if you're going with a seeker carrier and a non-seeker sire, you'd better have a ferromagnetic cap on the crenellator," added Wheeljack.

"Ferromagnetic caps make my manifold itch," grumped Jazz.

"Explains why you've never gotten a seeker knocked up," grinned Wheeljack teasingly. "Now where we? Oh yes. So you download the code from the Matrix into the cosmitron, and then that hooks up to the crenellator so the code can be transferred. Then the crenellator activates the refraction core into forming baby bots imbued with the code from the Matrix and both the sire and carrier."

"And two months later all your friends know what you've been up to!" grinned Jazz excitedly, massaging Cosmos' baby bump again.

"But that's..."

Quick as a flash Jazz had Cosmos' mask down and was kissing him deeply. "Please Love, don't make excuses. We both wanted this to happen, didn't we? And you don't need to be shy about it in front of the humans," he said tenderly on breaking the kiss. He gazed passionately into the saucerformer's optics.

Cosmos sighed. "Fine."

"So, any questions?" Ratchet asked a confused-looking Spike and Carly.

"Um... no."

"No... I think that explained it... sort of."

"Well good," Ratchet smiled.

"I didn't even know you two were a couple," said Spike, looking at Jazz cuddling the chubby mini-bot again.

"It just sorta happened," he grinned.

"Well congratulations," said Carly. "When will the baby be born... or ejected... or however it is you get them out of the mother?"

The others looked to Ratchet.

"I'll remove them from Cosmos' refraction core in about three months. It's not a long gestational period. And then we'll see if we get saucers or sports cars.

"Sports cars. They're going to be twin sports cars," said Jazz quite seriously.

"Why not saucers?"

There was that fiendish smirk again. "Oscillated circuitry, baby," Jazz responded, pointing at his chest.

Cosmos moaned slightly and then looked at Ratchet. "May I go now?" he asked with something of an exasperated tone.

"You're good to go. Just take it easy. And if you have any trouble with that gestation dome, come back and see me right away."

"Sure," he said flatly.

"One last kiss before you go, Love," said Jazz tightening his arms around the saucer-bot even as he tried to wriggle away. And for a moment Cosmos winced, but suddenly a brightness rose in his optics. He wrapped his own arms around the black and white mech, kissing him with a sudden enthusiasm, and he refused to break the kiss even when Jazz began to squirm.

It wasn't until well after the point of the kiss growing awkwardly long that Cosmos finally relented. And then he grinned broadly, slapped his mask back up over his mouth, and hopped off of the table. "See you later, _Love_ ," he said perkily and and left, his diamond-shaped eyes sparkling.

"Um... We should be going too," said Spike, and he quickly drew Carly out of the room without any further words, his face looking rather flushed.

Ratchet went to the door, looked down the hall after the humans, and on coming back inside he fell against the table the mini-bot had been sitting on, the CMO shaking with unstoppable laughter. Jazz and Wheeljack immediately joined in.

"Crenellator..." Wheeljack managed to moan between peals of crippling giggles.

"Ferromagnetic cap. Good one there, Wheeljack," Jazz snorted.

"I loved your response... 'makes my manifold itch'."

"That was hilarious. And Jazz, what was with that kiss at the end there? I didn't think I'd ever see that out of Cosmos," Ratchet panted as he tried to compose himself.

"He... he was really getting into it," Jazz explained, rubbing his fingers over his lips. "He didn't leave any paint behind, did he?"

"Looked more like he was taking advantage of you. Did he manage to get his glossa into your mouth?" Wheeljack asked, taking a quick look at Jazz's faceplate for any incriminating marks.

"He did," Jazz confessed awkwardly. "Though admittedly, we were all taking advantage of him." And suddenly he burst out laughing again. "Actually the little guy's a pretty good kisser for a lonely mini-bot."

The three were finally starting to recover themselves when Blaster suddenly stormed in, leading Cosmos along like a lost child. "What's this about Cosmos being pregnant by Jazz?" he asked sternly.

Ratchet finally managed to get a hold of himself. "Well, you see, Spike and Carly came in just after we finished attaching the new transmission array.. Carly saw that dome..." He pointed at the gravid bulge in Cosmos' chest. "And she thought he looked like he was pregnant. We... we kinda teased them and said he was."

Cosmos' hands flitted up to rub the new structure that had just been fitted to him. "It does look sort of pregnant."

Blaster groaned. "Great... Well I'm going to leave it to you three to re-educate them and explain that we don't get pregnant or give birth and that we just build more guys when we want them."

"What's wrong with having a little mystique?" Wheeljack asked.

"Nothing, but leave us out of this." Blaster tugged on Cosmos' arm and pulled him away again. "C'mon. Let's go get that transmitter calibrated."

Cosmos gave Jazz a flirty little wave before Blaster had him completely out of the door, to which Jazz responded in kind, gestures unmissed by the other two.

"I'll bet he pings you for a date later," smirked Ratchet, starting to put away the rest of the tools left out from the installation of the dome.

"I hope so. I think I'd like to go check out that Room of Radiation and show him my oscillated cosmitron or something like that. You know. How we get a baby."

"Insert Tab A into Slot B," laughed Wheeljack, shaking his head.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

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-o-

 **The End**

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 **Need more funny-sexy stories? Check out my other stories in the "Wayward" series:**

 **Wayward Kisses** \- Spike falls for a femme.

 **Wayward Phrases** \- Ironhide and Carly get to know each other very well... very, very well.

 **Wayward Colors** \- Carly's new car attracts a lot of attention.

-o-o-o-o-o-

 _Transformers_ and all related concepts, characters, worlds, and events are property of Hasbro and Takara Tomy. Original characters and story elements are property of E. Potter, writing under the pen name of Miratete.


End file.
